About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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