At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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