Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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