Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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