I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can't motorboat a personality
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
