you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
wow bdsm is so cute
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
