I love black thongs
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
