I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
