I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
