Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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