I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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