And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
