Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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