I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
