He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
