I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
