At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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