capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
