News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
