i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
