Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
