Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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