So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
