smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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