Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
