did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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