I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
