oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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