Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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