my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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