I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
