it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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