Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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