we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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