He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
