I just cut my nipple shaving
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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