he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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