I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
