so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
