Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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