i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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