So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
