I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
