The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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