Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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