i permit you to call me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
