I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
