i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
