Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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