just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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