its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
