margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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