thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
