Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
