Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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