i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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